Twas The Night Before X-Mas, Oh my!!

Twas the night before xmas
and I felt like a louse.
No cookies or presents to be found in the house.

I should have started shopping
I know, please don't scream,
but procrastination's an art form, if you know what I mean.

So out of the house I flew like a flash,
tore open the car door, and drove in a mad dash.
The mall was closing with only minutes to spare,
as a raced from store to store in great despair.

Where was all the merchandise
even those with great price,
where was all the movies, toys, books on my list?
As I sat in a dither, it decided to mist,
Oh great, now it was going to snow
Wouldn't just you know?

If only I'd been a good girl and oh so nice
instead I was mouthy and full of hot spice.
Santa wouldn't be saving my butt this year
nor would his eight tiny reindeer.
No sirree bob!
I'd have to save myself, a helluva job!

So off to the all night mini mart I drove,
a grand miniature, treasure trove.
Who wouldn't want beef jerky
to go with all of that turkey?
Candy galore with calories and more.
So glad I happened to find this store.

As I filled my cart with cheap foreign crap,
it was useless, until I felt on my shoulder, an odd tap-tap.
As I was turning to see and looking away
I got the best surprise of my day!
A drunken Santa who'd had too many an egg nog
and he appeared to lost in an alcoholic fog.

I know you, he declared.
Your on my list,
c'mere and give Santa a kiss.

Grabbing a Polaroid,
I gladly complied.
Then I threatened Mr. Claus,
and offered a bribe.

If he fulfill every wish on my list,
Mrs. Claus need never know, if he got my gist.
As Santa came to his senses,
he easily saw the consequences.
Separation, divorce, oh my,
all for a kiss, he could just die.

He gladly agreed, snatching the pic,
he hurriedly called the reindeer, quick, quick.
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
Christmas isn't what it used to be, and Good Night!!

Back to the house I drove at a leisurely pace,
all of my worries were gone, without a trace.
And under the tree, many beautiful gifts had arrived.
Along with the sweet note from Santa, just in time.

"Dear Dottie, my love
For your kisses I thrive,
same time, next year, so take care.
Signed Your one and only Santa-Bear."

So, next year no worries
Santa won't mind,
I'll easily trade kisses
for Christmas wishes.



Happy Holidays to one and all,
Hugs, Kisses, and many beautiful Christmas Wishes!!
The best of all to you and your families!!