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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sassy Sunday Story Starter.... picked up from AmyC and Sassy Brit.... (part four)

AmyC sent me Sassy Brit's Sassy Sunday Story Starter this morning, and between fixing breakfast, taking temperatures, doling out drugs, looking at the dog's sore foot (yes, even the dog came to me and showed me his foot), and flopping back on the couch from exhaustion, I wrote a little something about a subject that I love, vampires.... Hey, I'm in a vampiric mood..... watching lots of Vampire Diaries.... more to come later.


Vampire Vigilante
by Dottie Taylor
word count:  500



When the hair on the back of his neck raised and a shiver went down his spine, Edward was afraid to look behind him.

He fumble around, hands groping for the lights, anything to alleviate the darkness.

“Damned old houses!” Edward muttered for the rats benefit, he hated rats, he could hear the scuttle of tails across the concrete under his feet.

What the hell was Sarah thinking, arranging a showing in the middle of the night anyway? Edward grumbled to himself. Were we so desperate for fucking clients we couldn't pass up the weirdos?

Suddenly, a scraping came from behind him, now his hair not only raised, but bristled, his heart thundering beneath his ribs.

“Hello Mr. Jennings,” a voice boomed from the darkness.

“Um, Mr. Tepes?” Edward called back, this guy didn't even sound like he spoke fluent English. Edward would make the bitch pay, her stupidity astounded him. Her message said a mansion was going on the market. This place was a crap hole.

“That's right, Mr. Jennings. I've been expecting you.”

“Oh, well, okay. Mind turning on the lights so we can both take a look around?”

“Most certainly, Edward, your name is Edward, is it not?”

“Oh, sure, yeah,” Edward stuck out his hand in the direction the voice came from.

Clammy fingers cold as death wrapped around his own, making him cringe.

“Lights?” Edward reminded, only to have his vision flooded with brightness. He squinted trying to make out the person who still remained in a corner untouched by light. “Wow, what strength is that, about a 1000 watts?” Edward joked, trying to relieve his nervousness.

“Something like that,” murmured Mr. Tepes, without the hint of humor.

“Is there a dimmer, cause, I feel like I'm going blind, we can't show the house....”

“Show the house?” Mr. Tepes flung back his head, laughter erupting from his lips.

If that bitch sent me out here on a wild goose chase... Edward's temper flooded through his body, hands already fisted.

Abruptly, Edward's back slammed against the wall, a vise gripped his throat, dead eyes glowed in his own.

“I have you at a disadvantage, let me introduce myself. Vlad Tepes, I'd shake, but you'd died faster. I want it to last. Perhaps you know my family name better, Dracul?”

Terror blazed across Edward's face as fangs exploded in his vision.

“Sarah wanted me to give you something for all the years of happiness you've brought her. You'll never raise a hand to her again.” The fangs sank deep as Edward cried out, life seeping away to hell.

*****

“Mrs. Jennings?”

“Yes?”

“He won't be coming home.”

“Who won't be coming home?”

“Your husband. He won't hurt you ever again.”

“Who is this?”

“A friend.”

The line went dead, the phone slid from Sarah's quivering hand.

*****

Vlad grinned, this is why he was born vampire.




Okay, much better now.... LOL... I love the smell of a vampire story in the morning.... (almost Apocalypse Now) I know lame, but I crack myself up, though it could be the sleep deprivation....



Tune back in tomorrow for more flash fiction.... Blodeuedd has donated a gorgeous picture for the Monday Morning Flash Fiction Challenge!!   See you then, and remember, bring a flashlight, you never know what may be lurking in the dark.....

9 comments:

Amy C said...

Nice one, my vampire lovin friend!

A vampire out to get the bad guys!

You know, I have such a hard time with dialog. I always have and now especially so with these flashes :).

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Amy!

It is so hard to write dialogue, and in a book, there's more time for monologue, and I think that's what throws people. It's easier to tell a story than to let the characters speak the story, and in flash fiction, it's okay to do either. I've been trying to practice my dialogue, because it is so damn hard to write. But when dialoguing, it's hard to change tenses, stay in the flow of the story, not let the story get away. I don't know, I only know what I garnered from other authors and trying to learn to let the characters speak through me, if that makes any sense.... LOL

((hugs))

Dottie :)

Amy C said...

My problem is I'm not the most talkative of persons. And then when I think of dialog I think it sounds dumb, so I tend to stay away from it when I can.

When I wrote Spirits Unveiled, I dreaded the dialog...unless it was sex, then I just went with it. But just normal conversation, it was hard trying not to have them say the same things over and over again.

That's good that you test yourself. Perhaps I should do that sometime, trying to focus on dialog.

Dialog is so important in a novel, it helps to move the story along at a quicker pace, and makes it more interesting and you sometimes feel closer to the characters through dialog.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Amy!

It is true that dialogue moves the story along, but I've read books where the backstory and fill ins where needed and it was lacking, there is such a thing as talking too much, lol.

But dialogue does help the characters to become real, lets you know what type of person they really are. I always worry I'm doing too much monologuing and not even dialogue. It's hard to tell when enough is enough. I have to say, I really enjoyed your flash!
When there are so few words, and your running for your life, having a conversation is unrealistic. Your's felt real.

Dottie :)

Sassy Brit said...

Hi Dottie - Well now I get you, redemption - I though you had reason to redeem yourslef.

A great story, with a satisfying redeeming end! What a hero. Wouldn't it be good if you took this further? Say a few years down the line Mrs. Jennings starts to look for her hero...

And finds him...

By the way, I'm following you on Twitter now. :) And tweeted.

Amy, are you still on Twitter?

Sassy Brit said...

I meant to say, I do hope your dog is better now. Poor thing.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Sassy Brit!

I'm actually thinking of letting this flash be the basis of my NaNoWriMo this November, it really whetted my appetite to write a vampire romance/urban fantasy. So much I cold see happening, and Vlad has been whisper to me... LOL, he wants to tell his story, makes want to write more....

Considering Vlad Tepes (which means impaler) turned to the good side, it's kind of redeeming, sort of, he still feeds, just on the bad guys.... LOL

Thanks!

Dottie :)

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Stuart feels much better now, lol, he was like the Lion and the Mouse story, he had a something stuck in the pad of his foot, but Mom fixed his right up, lol, he's just like one of my kids..... just with four legs and fur.

Dottie :)

Amy C said...

Hey Sassy,

I signed up with twitter a long time ago, but never really figured it out, so I don't tweet. Probably one of few people that don't :).

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